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trying too hard to be liked

A leader trying to sweeten the deal with a beer.

As a new leader, it’s easy to fall into the trap of trying too hard to be liked. You’ve just arrived in your new role and quite frankly, you’re nervous. You want everything to go well and you want to get along with your team. Leading a team that dislikes you wouldn’t send a very good impression to your superiors would it?

The problem is that communicating with your team in a way that (you think) makes them like you more is likely to raise issues in the long run as you fail to address issues that arise. When you’re new, you need to set the tone for the coming months and years with your team. If you’re trying to get them to like you too much, you are in danger of trying to pander to their every whim!

The trick is to find that magical balance, where you have a good relationship with your team and listen to their input, but they respect you enough to do what you need to when you put your foot down.

How Can You Tell When You’re Trying Too Hard to Be Liked?

There are a few tell-tale signs that I look for when I’m trying to work out whether I’m communicating with my team in a way that doesn’t “rock the boat”.

You’re trying too hard to be liked, when you do whatever your team wants

When you raise issues or delegate work and your team is consistently convincing you to try a different course of action, you may be trying too hard to avoid upsetting people. If your first decision is consistently met with resistance, your team may be trying to avoid work or you might just be making bad decisions.

For more on this topic, see this post: How to Make Good Decisions in 4 Easy Steps.

Once again, there is a balance to be struck between needing to be right as “the boss” and taking input from your team so that they feel like their input is being taken on board.

You’re trying too hard to be liked, when you avoid making decisions

Trying too hard to be liked - head in wallOne way that some leaders avoid upsetting their team is by not making decisions at all. Sometimes leaders leave team members to “just sort it out”.

This non-communication can be damaging, because whilst you are not directly annoying people, you are actually letting the team sort out their work allocation for themselves. While sometimes this can be a good thing, if it gets out of hand, you might find certain team members become disgruntled because they’re shouldering the majority of the burden for the rest of the team.

You’re trying too hard to be liked when you let people get away with bad behaviour

I’ve seen many situations where an individual’s behaviour damages a team and fails to be addressed in a timely manner. Time and time again, this individual will upset somebody else through shirking their responsibilities or simply behaving inappropriately. As a leader, you need to nip this in the bud. Communicate directly and clearly that this behaviour is not acceptable.

Just think of the ramifications. If you take action and address the issue directly with the misbehaving team member, you may have one person who is upset at you. If you fail to address the behaviour you may have *many* people upset at you for your inaction…I know which one I’d prefer!

Don’t be one of those leaders that lets people in your team get away with murder. You’ll no doubt be annoying a lot of people with your inaction.

Tip: If you need to hold your team members accountable and crack down on poor performance, Thoughtful Leader can help. Check out the Hold Your Team Accountable eBook, for tools and techniques to improve the way your team operates. You and your team deserve better… try the eBook today.

You’re trying too hard to be liked when you shower your team with praise

Sometimes it can be easy to overcompensate as a new leader – you want your team to like you, right? So you buy your team coffee and cake and try to instil a bit of team spirit. This sort of thing can be good in moderation, but be careful not to overdo it.

Trying too hard to be liked - false praise

Firstly, not everybody likes the same things; for every person who loves “Cake Friday”, there is always somebody who would rather avoid the forced socialising. For every person who loves you buying them beer, there is another who doesn’t drink. They may feels pressure to do so to fit in with the team.

Then there is praise – don’t overdo it. I’ve been in teams where the boss has praised me excessively for minor tasks. Then I’ve been in teams where a lot of great work has been done in a tough environment and there is no thanks from the leader. Once again, there is a sweet spot and there is a balancing act.

If you go over the top with your praise, people are likely to think you are “buttering them up”. Perhaps they will start to think they are amazing when their quality of work is not *really* that great.

Have you struggled with this problem? What did you do about it? Leave your comments below!

Alternatively, if you would like to ask a question or need some help, you can send me a private message through my contact page.

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