I believe that one of the best ways to lead better is to understand yourself first.
I’m not a therapist, but I do think that delving back into your past can be a great way to make sense of who you are, and why you do the things that you do.
If you’ve seen my Useful Thinking Journal, you’ll know that it’s critical to take action and keep improving, rather than dwelling on the past.
However, I’ve found that considering the past and how it shapes you is still important.
In this post, I’m going to take a look at the benefits of understanding how your personal stories shape your future, and why this can help you to lead better.
Why should I look back at my past, instead of just focusing forward?
First off, I don’t think it’s a great idea to spend too much time fixated on the past, because it’s been and gone.
But spending the occasional reflection time to think about key events that shape us can be beneficial.
One benefit I’ve found is that it can help your values, reactions, behaviour and thoughts become clearer, and make a lot more sense.
When these things start to make sense, you become a lot more forgiving of yourself.
And this, in-turn leads to greater self-acceptance, which is one of the cornerstones of being able to lead effectively, regardless of the personal style that you bring to your leadership.
Without this clarity, I find people can struggle with self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy:
“Why can’t I handle this? I’m such a failure!”
Instead, we want to turn this into:
“It makes sense why I find this hard. What can I do about it?”
This makes our whole mindset a lot more constructive.
Learn More: Why Self Acceptance is a Foundation for Good Leadership.
How self-reliance became one of my strongest values
As an example, let me recount a story from way back in my primary school days. That would be about 39 years ago (!) at the time of writing.
I had just started primary school, having skipped Year 1 and headed straight into Year 2.
Why? Because my parents had already taught me to read at home. After they tested me, the teachers thought Year 1 would be a waste of time.
Jumping straight into Year 2 was hard, because I didn’t know anyone, and the other kids in my class had already been together for a whole year.
As a fairly shy and quiet kid, that left me a little isolated in the playground when I first started school.
I vividly remember that I was walking around the sand pit in my leather sandals at break time, when the strap on my left sandal came undone.
Before this, I had never attempted to do my sandal straps up by myself – my parents had helped me at home.
I was extremely anxious that people would think I was stupid for not being able to do up my sandals.
So, with nobody else to turn to (and being worried about speaking to other kids about it), I attempted to do up the strap myself.
It took a little while, but I eventually succeeded.
Imagine the sense of triumph and relief when I realised I could actually do it myself, and I didn’t need to ask anyone else for help.
This is my earliest memory of feeling like I could accomplish things, if I put my mind to them.
And that’s when self-reliance started to become one of my strongest values.
How your strongest values shape your leadership
This may sound like a trivial childhood experience, but it matters.
It matters, because since that time, I’ve noticed that I try to consistently put myself in positions where I don’t need to depend on others.
I try not to blame other people when things go wrong – instead, I think about what I can do to improve.
When I exercise, I do it mostly by myself. I do weights at home (not at the gym, which could be too busy or closed), and I go for runs alone most of the time (instead of relying on friends, who might decide they don’t feel like it).
I rehabilitated my torn knee ligament without surgery, and still play sport on it to this day. Of course, the physiotherapist helped me to do that, but once I had the rehab plan, it was entirely up to me to execute.
I do visit doctors and other professionals, because I still know my limits most of the time.
But this self-reliance also means that at work, I would sometimes keep things to myself, without asking for help from others.
Sometimes I would isolate myself, rather than engaging with other people who could help or share the burden.
This can obviously be a big problem, because leadership is not about doing everything by yourself. It’s about encouraging a team of people to come along on a journey with you.
And at home, I may frustrate my wife, who loves to help and support… and sometimes I refuse it!
Each of your values will have strengths and potential weaknesses
The point is, it’s extremely important to understand your strongest values and how they impact the way you show up at work, and in life in general.
Each of your values will have strengths and potential weaknesses which we need to look out for.
That’s why I believe understanding your personal values is one of the most important foundations of good leadership.
I developed a short online course to help you do that – you can take it here, and set your own foundation: Understand & Use Your Values: Online Course.
What past experiences have you noticed shape your values, and the way you lead? Let me and all the other thoughtful leaders know in the comments below!
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