Taking a Coaching Approach: Less Telling, More Asking

In the early days of leadership, taking a coaching approach would have been quite a rare thing indeed.

That is, doing more asking instead of a whole lot of telling.

Leaders used to be the ones who made all the decisions. They’d give instructions, and people would follow them.

After all, the leader was the one who knew best.

This is no longer always the case, and I think it’s a good thing too.

In this post, I’m going to explain what I mean by taking a coaching approach. Then I’ll take a look at why it matters, and how you can do it in your team.

What is a Coaching Approach Anyway?

Coaching involves asking people questions so that they think differently about their situation.

It’s a thought-provoking process, which can help people shift their mindset by challenging their beliefs about what’s happening around them and to them.

Coaching can help people feel more motivated to reach their goals. It can also help people set goals in the first place!

But you don’t need to be a professional coach to use a coaching approach.

To simplify things, this is how I think about taking a coaching approach in leadership:

To me, taking a coaching approach doesn’t need to be more complicated than pushing yourself into the asking zone, more often.

This is not as easy as it sounds, and our biggest challenge with this approach is usually ourselves!

Benefits of Taking a Coaching Approach

A coaching approach can be helpful for a few reasons.

Firstly, it encourages people to start to think for themselves.

Rather than just being order-takers, team members start to become more proactive over time. They don’t just wait for you to tell them what to do, they begin to try things for themselves.

Next, a coaching approach can help people take more ownership for their part in the team.

When you ask for people’s opinions, or what you think they should do, people start to feel more involved.

Then when you actually use their input to shape what you do next as the leader, they can see that they’ve made a difference.

You know how when we create something, we tend to be more invested in it? That’s called the Ikea effect, and we want to harness it in our teams.

When people contribute their ideas to shape the team, they become more invested. They want it to work. So… they tend to try harder to make it work!

Another benefit is that I find a coaching approach can help team members build confidence. They are encouraged to contribute and try things that they came up with, so imagine the satisfaction and confidence that grows when their ideas come to life!

Lastly, you’ll get better solutions from having a variety of opinions. You don’t know all the answers.

And the more complex our world and work becomes, the less likely it is that you will know every detail about the work of your team.

In fact, your team members do the work day to day, and they might just know what’s going on a little better than you. That’s not an insult to you – that’s just reality.

These benefits are compelling, and can have the benefit of building better team performance.

Learn More:  Thoughtful Leader Podcast #136: Simple Tips to Help You Coach Your People.

What Are the Challenges in Taking a Coaching Approach?

Even though the benefits are strong, it’s not always easy to take a coaching approach.

As I wrote above, the biggest hurdle we need to overcome is getting over ourselves.

Here are the common reasons I hear from leaders who don’t want to try this out:

• That’ll never work in my team. People just want to come to work and go home – they’re not committed.
• If I try that, people will make mistakes which will take more time to fix.
• People will lose respect if I don’t make the decisions.
• I’ll lose control of my team if I give people more autonomy that way.

Can you see the common element in these types of statements?

What I notice that there is a lot of “I” going on. In other words, they’re worried about the impact on themselves of trying this approach.

These leaders are seeing all the risks and issues and focusing on the problems that will happen for them.

They’re ignoring the potential growth benefits for the people who work for them.

In other words, they are very self-focused, rather than other-focused. We need to get over this if we’re going to try a coaching approach.

Learn More:  How Letting Go Will Help You Take Control.

Overcoming Ourselves is the Hardest Part

I’m not going to pretend that the reasons in the previous section aren’t real or valid.

What I’m saying is that we can overcome them, and we’ll need to if we’re going to take a coaching approach.

Most of the reasons above are based on a leader’s comfort level. Over time, you’ll become more comfortable, but you’ll need to work at it.

Here are some ideas to help get started.

1. Start small

You don’t need to go from zero to a hundred when you’re trying a coaching approach.

Start small. Start by asking your team members for their opinions on smaller issues or challenges.

Don’t ask them to go and do things by themselves. You can keep the decision-making responsibility for yourself.

Over time as you become more comfortable, you may delegate more of the accountability to team members as you build trust in the approach, and they do too.

2. Explain what you’re trying to do

Sometimes when a leader has been doing a lot of telling, team members get confused when you start asking:

“Why are you asking me? You know the answer. Just tell me what to do!”

It can be beneficial to explain the reasons behind adopting a coaching approach to your team.

Explain that you want people to be more involved, so you can make better decisions.

Explain that you want them to take more accountability so that they can learn and be prepared for the next step in their career.

Talk about the positive benefits you’re trying to gain, for them and the team.

3. Tell other people what you’re doing

If you’re afraid something will go wrong, tell your important stakeholders what you’re trying to achieve, too.

This might include your boss, or other people who rely on your team.

Then they won’t get a surprise when they see your people taking on more accountability than they were before, and they can support you while you do it.

4. Reframe your fears

Your fears about taking a coaching approach aren’t wrong, they’re natural.

But they may hold you back from making positive changes from time to time.

Try to reframe and think differently about them.

Here are some examples:

• People will lose respect <-> or could they gain respect for someone who puts aside their ego and asks them what they think.
• People will make mistakes which I’ll have to fix <-> Initially, yes, it might be hard. But making an investment now means better long-term results as people get better.
• My team members aren’t committed <-> Is it possible your team members aren’t committed because they have never been asked for their opinion, to contribute to shaping the team?
• I’ll lose control of my team <-> You may actually *gain* control as your team members take accountability. Errors might go down, and people might start caring a little more. Not only that, you’ll get time back in your day.

You get the idea.

Your fears are trying to protect you, but they’re not always helpful.

If you start to think differently about them you can adopt a coaching approach.

So What Do I Ask My Team?

In this part, I’ll discuss some ideas about what you might use a coaching approach for.

Specifically, let’s look at a few questions you might ask to get started.

Question 1: How do you think we should do it?

Simple but effective. You’re trying to get people to think for themselves, not just wait for your orders.

You don’t need to adopt their strategy. If it won’t work, you can let them know what some of the challenges might be.

Question 2: What do you think could go wrong?

This is a useful question to ask when you want people to think about the potential consequences of a course of action.

It encourages critical thinking, and over time this can be a useful habit for people to get into when they start to think more for themselves.

Question 3: How would you improve it?

This is a good one to use when people are unhappy with a process or system in your team. Instead of just complaining about it, you’re encouraging them to come to the party with some ideas on how to fix it.

This paves the way for letting them lead an improvement project to improve how the team works.

I’ve only listed three examples here, but there are many more that I’m sure you can come up with to help your people get involved.

Learn More:  Thoughtful Leader Podcast #112: Why Smart Leaders Seek Continuous Improvement.

When is a Coaching Approach Not a Good Idea?

There are a few situations where it might not be advantageous to use a coaching approach.

That’s not to say you can’t try, but you need to be aware of the potential risks that may come with it.

Here are some examples of situations where a coaching approach may not help:

• When people don’t have technical knowledge. You can’t coach someone into knowing how to become a surgeon or to be able to fly a plane. This requires technical knowledge before a coaching approach would be helpful.
• When there are non-negotiables. In some situations there are legal, safety or compliance requirements that need to be met. This doesn’t mean you can’t ask questions, but it does mean you need to stick to the rules for the most part. If you ask questions and then ignore the answers (because of some sort of non-negotiable requirement), you’ll undermine the effectiveness of the approach.
• If it’s urgent. Urgent action requires speed. Asking for people’s input will slow you down, so be careful with a coaching approach if time is of the essence. However, after the situation is resolved, a coaching approach can be an excellent way to encourage people to reflect on how the situation unfolded, and what could have been done better.

As with many techniques, there is a time and a place. So be aware of some of the limitations and use it wisely.

Learn More:  Directive Leadership: 4 Situations When You Should Be Using It.

A Coaching Approach is an Investment in Your People

Taking a coaching approach won’t solve all your problems, but it can help you to build capability and confidence in your team.

Consider it an investment.

You’ll put in the time and effort now to help people think for themselves, and then hopefully over time they’ll become more self-sufficient.

What could be better than that?

Do you adopt a coaching approach with your team? When have you found it helpful, and when did it not go so well? Let me and all the thoughtful leaders know in the comments below!