Personal Values: How They Build Confidence for Thoughtful Leaders

Years ago when I first heard about personal values, I thought they were hippie nonsense.

I didn’t believe there was any use in worrying about them, and that they couldn’t really help.

But – over time I’ve done a lot of work understanding my own values and how they influence my behaviour and the way I respond to different situations.

Now, I believe they are one of the most important aspects to focus on when it comes to leadership, which is why I now include them as part of all the coaching work that I do!

In particular, I can see now how understanding your personal values can be a great help in building confidence, which is often a common challenge for thoughtful leaders.

In this post we’re going to look at the basics of values and then what they can do for you when it comes to building confidence.

What Are Personal Values?

Personal values are strongly held beliefs about what is important to you. 

Personal values can come from your parents, family, friends and your upbringing and are often formed early in life.

And once they are set, your personal values are stable. They rarely change, which means once you understand them well, you’ll be able to rely on them for a long time.

There are some exceptions to this. For example, if you have a life-changing event that changes the way you look at the world.

But for the most part, your personal values will be similar throughout your life.

Learn More:  Why You Need to Know Your Values In Leadership.

How Personal Values Can Build Confidence

Confidence is a valuable commodity in leadership.

And one thing I’ve noticed about working with thoughtful leaders is that they often struggle with feelings of low confidence.

That doesn’t mean thoughtful leaders aren’t capable.

Far from it – in fact, I think thoughtful people generally make excellent leaders.

But being thoughtful means being a deep thinker. And this can come with natural challenges including:

• Second-guessing or doubting yourself
• Feeling like you are an imposter; or
• Worrying about or regretting decisions or actions you’ve taken.

So let’s look at some of the ways that personal values can help you to build confidence, so you can spend less time worrying and more time enjoying what you do.

1. Personal Values Set a Strong Foundation

An important part of understanding your personal values is setting a foundation for the way you lead.

When I say foundation, I mean they help you to understand what you stand for.

This includes what you’ll put up with, and what you won’t.

I like to think of personal values as the roots of a big oak tree.

The roots help the oak tree remain stable, even when the winds are blowing a gale outside. The stronger the roots, the stronger the foundation, and the more confident you feel.

A Strong Foundation = Self-Acceptance

If this all sounds a bit cryptic, what I’m really talking about is self-acceptance.

Which means you understand how you are and what you believe in and most importantly, that it all makes sense.

When you understand your personal values, you start to understand why you respond well in certain situations, and not so well in others.

You start to understand why you like certain people and things, and really can’t stand others.

All of a sudden, you’re not some weirdo who can’t handle the pressure or feels anxious for no reason.

No, your responses make sense because in a given situation you are either aligned with your values, or you aren’t.

From personal experience, I noticed that once I gained this understanding, I stopped beating myself up so much with negative thoughts and self-talk.

It doesn’t mean that we just say “that’s how I am, so deal with it.”

We should always be looking to grow and improve. But being a little easier on yourself along the way will help you feel a sense of greater confidence.

2. Personal Values Can Help You Make Decisions

One of my personal values is self-reliance.

I place a lot of importance in being able to handle things myself, to take care of myself and to take ownership of my issues.

It doesn’t mean I never ask anyone for help. But it does mean I prefer to be able to rely on myself when I can.

And one way that personal values will help you to be more self-reliant (even if this is not one of your own values) is that they can be used to make decisions.

It Can Feel Lonely in Leadership

In leadership, you’ll sometimes feel like you’re going it alone.

“It’s lonely at the top” is what they say.

No matter how many people you have to confide in or support you – when you make a decision, the buck stops with you.

Personal values can be a great confidence booster because they give you a set of personalised criteria that you can use to make important decisions.

Importantly, this does not guarantee that you’ll always make the “right” decision.

But if you make a decision which is aligned with your personal values, it does give you can excellent chance of:

• Feeling satisfied with your decision; and
• Experiencing less regret about the decision you made.

And yes, that’s even if your decision was unpleasant and negatively impacted other people. Because sometimes, decisions are like that.

Your personal values can be used to help you decide how to act, as well as decide what to do.

This doesn’t need to be complicated. It can be as simple as asking yourself:

“If I was aligned with my values, what would I do?” or

“If I was acting in alignment with my values, how would I approach this?”

An Example: Empathy

Let’s assume one of your top personal values is “empathy”. This means taking into account the feelings and thoughts of others, or putting yourself in someone else’s shoes.

If you had to make a decision to let someone go from your team because they weren’t performing, and you were living your value of empathy, you would probably:

• Think about how they might feel to get this news
• Arrange the meeting in a private place, where others can’t overhear or see the interaction
• Listen a lot, and let them put across their point of view; and
• Arrange for a notice period so they have a few weeks to prepare for their next move.

You’d also most probably think about the impact on the other people in your team, if you chose to do nothing about this situation. This can motivate you to take the action, even if it’s hard.

As you can imagine, you probably wouldn’t feel great about doing this to your team member.

But it’s not about that – it’s about feeling that you’ve done the right thing, according to your personal values.

3. Personal Values Can Reduce Self-Doubt, Worry and Second-Guessing

A common challenge for thoughtful leaders is overthinking decisions, or worrying about what you’ve done.

Or, you might find yourself second-guessing a decision or action, wondering whether you’re on the right track.

Your personal values can be an excellent guide.

Going back to our metaphors, you might think of your values as a compass that helps you know which way is North.

If you’ve ever tried to navigate without a method of knowing where North is, you’ll know how stressful it can be.

Over time, you’ll become more comfortable with your values, and the feeling that you get when you are in alignment with them.

You’ll start to trust that they’ll guide you in the right direction, even if you’re having to make a hard decision or action.

4. Personal Values Can Help You Prepare for Upcoming Situations

The final significant confidence benefit of understanding your personal values comes in the form of preparation.

As you understand more about your values and what they mean to you, you’ll be able to use them to prepare for things that are coming up at work.

You’ll have a better sense of the situations that are likely to stress you out, or where you’re likely to do well.

Not only that, you’ll be able to adjust your approach to these situations to align with your values more closely.

Not all of your values will be relevant to every situation.

However, if you spend time reflecting on your values frequently, you’ll notice patterns in how they show up for you at work.

Learn More:  Why Leaders Should Have a Reflective Practice.

What If My Values Are Counterproductive for Leadership?

It’s *possible* that your values include things like “world domination”, “anger” or “rudeness”.

But I find that these are pretty rare, especially for thoughtful leaders who are likely to be reading this article!

However, you may find that some of your values aren’t helpful in certain situations.

This is OK too.

For example, you might value “peace”, when your role involves having difficult conversations and there is a lot of tension.

Or maybe you value “fun” when your boss doesn’t roll this way at all.

All I’ll say is that it’s still better to be aware of your values (even if they don’t really help your current situation) than to be blind to the impact that they have.

Over time, if you find yourself stuck in these situations, you might use your values to ask another question:

“What sort of environment could I work in that would better suit my values?”

How to Understand and Use Your Values

The million dollar question remaining is – how do you understand what your values are?

Well, I’ve created a new online course to help you do just that!

Many leaders don’t take the time to understand their values.

Don’t be one of them!

>>> Click here to enrol in the course and get started today.